| Dreams of Human |
[Feb. 20th, 2009|02:52 pm] |
Fallen dreams sifting through dark sky,
our hopes and dreams, a fleeing crow.
And upon our backs they will still cry,
The dark stars their mourning show,
Flight bird flight! make away your sight!
The dawn creeps, and ever comes nigh
Sun makes men brave, soon they fight!
through the trees and fields, death its sigh,
The red dragon, Oh the painted hearts!
Banners on poles for separation they wave,
Scorched earth way of monolithic carts,
Mighty quarrel of men, none can they save. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2008|01:09 pm] |
|
losing a friend to life sucks. this is bullshit. |
|
|
| man..... |
[Apr. 13th, 2008|03:32 pm] |
|
last night was one of the best nights of my life. =) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2008|11:11 am] |
|
dude, I'm 21!!!!!!!!!!!! |
|
|
| ever since I was in 11th i've entertained this thought, but it has become really intense lately.... |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|02:01 pm] |
Really my plague is thinking too hard, I always seek for answers but all I find are infinitely more questions. and this continues on and on forever until it leads me to a pure white wall of nothing. blinded by the brilliant reflected light I sit and think, no longer seeing what's in front of me. No longer feeling the simple things as such. No longer recognizing human things as human. I am realizing that nothing is ever as it seems.
People may reason that we exist here as a testing ground. That we are meant to live our lives out here to prove ourselves to some all knowing being. But to me this is only a false comfort. I believe this because all the things that tell us this is true rely on something else to be proven. I've found that nothing stands on its own but consciousness. And this is my issue. When trying to figure out what one believes its hard when nothing can be reasoned logically. All these theories, religions, philosophies they all mean so little to me because of this. The only thing I believe in is that of thought.
Thought is such a strange thing, if we are creatures of chemical, then how are thoughts formed? there must then be something else to it. because combination of chemicals cannot make thought, there must then be a soul or something to that effect that goes beyond chemical, beyond what our body is made of. The very thing that gives us individuality. But really, this could all be in our heads, this place, our friends, thoughts, we could all be floating in the nothingness of space simply entertaining a senario in our own heads, just we got lost in it and lost focus on where we really are. but the problem with any theory I come up with is everything could be a grand illusion indused by a rediculous drug or of self. Because humans are so easily deluded in their own beliefs of life, living, everything is lost in the distortions and nothing can be known. its as if all things life will always slip through my fingers like grains of sand to the wind and it makes me sad because I love learning. But if all I learn is just a creation of my own brain does it really have any application or purpose? will I ever figure out what true knowledge is? will any of this ever truly make sense? I don't know, and I fear that I will never know... |
|
|
| stop the ignorance. |
[Mar. 23rd, 2008|06:05 pm] |
|
I'm so sick of all the fucking shallowness. get a life, realize others do not exist to please you. People have feelings, opinions, and purposes. Stop imposing your existence on others. And for the love of (insert your religious entity[or lack thereof] here) realize that looks alone will not make you happy. relying on looks as a judge of character will only blind you further. |
|
|
| things are very fucking strange. |
[Mar. 12th, 2008|02:14 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | through the loop :: by pendulum | ] |
I don't feel like I belong in this world anymore. I try and feel out living life here and I just get negativity in return. Its hard to explain, but its become a very strange mode of existence.
Lately Ive been feeling very uneasy, almost on edge. Like something is about to happen. something very very bad.
And honestly, I've been questioning everything. All I find are more questions. Religion is no answer, philosophy is just as bad. It all leads me around in a circle of questions that don't lead anywhere. It's all so pointless. I strive for the future, but the future only yields further questions and a more intense feeling of not belonging. I want out, I want to be somewhere else. I'm not afraid of the abyss, i;m not afraid of death, I'm afraid of this place.
Pot helped a lot with suppressing these thoughts, but now that I've been ever and ever more sober lately, I'm realizing that no matter how much I smoke, drink, trip out, or roll, these thoughts will ever be with me, taunting me with its unanswerable existence within my mind. Ever inescapable, I wonder how long I can bear the weight of these thoughts.
I'm not suicidal or anything, though I have entertained the thought, I've just been feeling very odd lately. Very separated from what people call "normal life". Separated from the things I once thought I knew to be sure. Things I once knew to be foundational are no longer so. I don't know if you care, or if you decided to stop reading after the first few parts of this, but really I think I'm just writing this to organize my thoughts. Which is something I haven't done in quite awhile.
Does anyone understand what I'm going through here? Reality no longer means the same thing to me. Existing is not the same. I don't think I'll ever be the same.
And really I think I don't have a clue.
someone give me a mushroom, so I can disappear from this place. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2007|12:52 pm] |
happy tday niggas!
eat lots of turkey then take that nice long nap afterwords ;P |
|
|
| tell me what you think. |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|03:02 am] |
There I sat transfixed by the gorgeous almost haunting view of the stars. Gathered like the glare of a billion distorted pupils. Here the wind kept me gracefully tethered, like an anchor against the raging unknown of the ocean. My soul wished nothing more than to take a journey upon the mast of a star faring ship. Never to return, only to sail the stars for eternity. I sat back further onto the palm tree, taking another swig out of the bitter cup that seemed to ease my troubles.
In this place I could see life sifting as a river running unemotionally past. As I saw it, there was never any time to plan, only to react. The grand tapestry that stretched across the sky seemed to mock the complexity of life. The raspy screams of overused vocals could not be heard by those mighty Gods of dreamers. They stood to inspire but never to be reached by that of mortal hands. Only to be beheld by mystified and wandering eyes. Eyes who dared to gaze into the darkness. Eyes who dared to wonder how far the expanses of the infinite spread. This was my sanctuary of sorts. A place where my mind would willfully become consumed by the unknown. Accompanied only by the sound of the silent secrets and the cries of a darkened night. These were the times where I would dig deeply into the ground. Sifting through the dirt until I found the true face of my heart. And there I would stand beside the gigantic roots of my mind. |
|
|
| all the leaves are brown. |
[Jun. 16th, 2007|01:38 pm] |
yellow ridged eel borders, half centipedes that extend for miles, arrows that mimic mushrooms.
why is it that every bit of human construction(buildings, roads, etc) is a mimic of something in nature? Yes nature is amazing, but do we really need to mimic it to make that point?
Its funny what one sees when one has pulled themselves back from their normal view of things.
maybe I'm just looking to hard. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2007|02:01 am] |
The thought of deity ran through my mind tonight. Where there was once surety, now is only a clouded sense of doubt. Like reaching out with blinded eyes hoping not to fall off the cliff I know is somewhere around here.
I once believed wholly in a God. Nothing could have shaken my faith and trust in something I could seemingly never fully understand. But as my mind has progressed, it seems to have pulled away from that trust, away from that faith and traded those for doubt, confusion, and in general disorientation around such concepts.
I do not know what I believe on the grounds of God, I seem to believe in a greater being, but at the same time I feel as though I don't. I am caught in the very center of the fence between God and Atheism. I am surprised that one can even stand on such a fence, because it is an extremely thin fence indeed.
And my dyslexia doesn't exactly make this situation any easier, in fact it complicates it more than you can possibly even know. (not to make excuses, I'm just stating a fact)
Will I ever reach the end of this doubt? Or will I just find more questions?
I am not like most atheists whom are so because they cannot understand the concept of free will. Or think there is no God because natural tragedies happen.
Have a tragedy happen and I guarantee you will hear most atheists say the phrase "Oh my God.". I don't know about you, but I see that as highly hypocritical. haha if I ever hear an atheist say that, I'll ask them "and what God is that?"
No, my doubts are not because of petty things like that. My doubts are based around the fact that I can see logic on both sides. I can also see the illogic of both sides. Now do you see my problem? And I cannot stay neutral forever, in a way its impossible. Nor do I want to remain thus. The more I stay neutral, the more disoriented I get it would seem.
And words are beginning to look funny even though they're spelled right, so its time for bed. night. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2007|09:37 pm] |
|
The last page of a book is not the end but the beginning. For beyond the pages of literature lie the real story. Herein reigns completely unbridled thought, simply enhanced by the blood and sweat of an author's method of exciting ones imagination with a different variation of the before acquired thought. For a brief second we see into the head of the author, and we see his process and make it our own. |
|
|
| so sick of all this. |
[Mar. 23rd, 2007|01:51 pm] |
I bust my ass, and I get shit. Im fucking pissed. No one is perfect, no one. why the fuck should anyone be? so what if I stole a fucking hat in october? it has no relevance to getting a fucking job at a fast food place. What am I going to freaking steal? condiments?! give me a fucking break. I'm at the end of my ropes, I've tried everything for these ass holes but they think they're so good, too good for me. Get off your fucking pulpit. get a grip on reality. So what if some other person doesn't have a fucking record. what does that have to do with anything? that doesn't mean anything. Simply because someone has a record doesn't effect their work ethic at all. doesn't it count for anything that I'm honest about it? did it ever fucking occur to you fucking perfect mormons that people make mistakes? I guess you don't believe in forgiveness, or believe that people can change. fucking hypocrites.
my anger is inescapable. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2007|08:43 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | jammin:bob marley | ] |
well, thank goodness for nyquil. otherwise I would be dieing right now. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2007|01:49 am] |
|
word of warning, od'ing on caffiene sucks. I'm serious, dont do it. You get so bloody sick for hours later. least thats my reaction to od'ing. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2007|12:17 am] |
|
hey guys sorry for the outburst. im calmer now. |
|
|
| I love you guys |
[Jan. 11th, 2007|07:45 pm] |
life is beautiful, you have no idea. words fail to express this. and i'll never be able to deny this. ever. I...I love you all. If you only could see it, if only, and possibly some of you have, and im sure you all will...everything has new meaning, EVERYTHING. everything is new, beautiful like you wouldnt believe. and every word uttered is so inadequate to the way this feels, so completely inadequate. I cannot even begin to explain. words fail to express such elegance, such purity, such feeling, such ties never felt before, but ties that were there all along. Such knowledge, a tiny tidbit of truth even, that I have known all along, but uncovered suddenly. It would be near impossible to have done this alone...the world is so wondrous but dont get caught in it. if only i could offer you exactly what i see. if only there were some way to show you the things you already know. the things you are already discovering slowly on your own. so progressive that its nearly impossible to notice at first. If i could I would hug each and every one of you and tell you that i love you. i wish you were all here. so that i could simply be with you. show you how much you matter to me, regardless of how much i know or dont know you. This is the turning point in my life, I will never go back. I will never glance behind, i will continue to press forward with new found conviction and hope to continue learning.
how you respond to this is completely up to you. you may say, im drugged up on something, but believe me when i tell you im sober. and i will forever be. your choices are what make or break you. they can be your anchors or your sails. choose wisely which you choose, one will cause you to drown, the other to soar! |
|
|
| And so it ends. |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|12:23 am] |
And so it ends......
And so it dies,
I had known it all along,
The worlds are void,
They see your sighs,
Have not slowly filled your song,
Was this not real?
My heart still cries,
Though on broken wings it soared,
On bended knee,
With wounded eyes,
I had seen that it had poured
The smile crept,
A smile was shown,
And the rain still pelted on
I gladly took,
All for my own,
The glorious sight now gone. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sumthng_nside's journal